Some things in life just aren’t worth the risk, but people gamble on them every day anyway. Below, we’ll look at 7 everyday gambles that show that we all have a touch of madness.
How many can you tick off?
It’s Friday afternoon and you can’t be bothered to check your email for typos. You’ve written too many emails this week and none of them had bad typos.
The situation goes a little like this:
Furiously typing an email on your mobile to get it sent out as quickly as possible.
You: “Meh, it’s friday. Imma just hit send”.
“Better check it just in case”
This is when you discover that you wrote “Dear Chicken” instead of “Dear Chris” and you’ve signed off as a Kind Retard.
We all have embarrassing songs on our playlists, don’t we? Guilty ones that everyone else cringes at but you secretly love.
Picture this: you’re on the train. It’s rush hour. You’re all packed in like sardines. It’s too noisy and you just want to escape for a short while.
What better way to do that than stick your headphones in and start listening to your favourite music. It’s been a long day. You’re tired and you want some proper “no more thinking music” – what’s better than a bit of cheesy-listening?
So you’re stood there listening to your music when you notice the people around you keep glancing at you making weird half-smiles at each other.
People smiling at strangers on the train? Something is wrong.
Inner monologue: Why’s everyone looking at me? Is this really a covid mask or do I have a pair of Y-fronts on my face?
And then you remember, you’ve done this many times before. You take your earphones out and you realise you’ve been blasting this song to the rest of the carriage.
I’m afraid there’s no recovery from gambles like this. You’ll just have to die of shame.
Why do these gambles always happen on a Friday?
Anyhow, picture the scene: it’s bank holiday Monday next week and you won’t be back in the office until Tuesday. It’s the perfect way to tell your overly demanding boss exactly what you think of them with a cheery, “See you next Tuesday!”
Yeah, that’s all well and good if your boss hasn’t heard the expression before, but if they have…
…well, actually, just take advantage of plausible deniability! You were just being polite.
When you’re leaving work the following Tuesday, be sure to tell them “See you tomorrow!” this both reminds them what you might think of them but also shows that it’s normal for you to say, “See you next x-day”.
Are you bluffing or not? They’ll never truly know until you crack up one day and call them a c**t to their face.
Saw this the other week. A customer came to our work with the same coat as one of our colleagues. This isn’t unheard of – we live in a Football city and loads of people wear Liverpool coats.
As the customer was getting ready to leave, he’d clearly forgotten that we’d put his coat on the coat stand. As we walked past my colleague’s desk (which was empty at the time), he saw an identical coat, believed it was his, and…
Oh, and don’t get me started on some of the accidents that happen in retail dressing rooms. “Um, you’re wearing my real coat” is something dressing room staff must hear at least once a month.
To some people, it’s crazy that people don’t check the mirror before leaving the house, but some of us forget. It’s easy to do. You’re just nipping out to the shop, you’re not going to see anyone you know, sod it.
This is how you end up going out with actual underpants on your head.
It happened to a friend (definitely not me) of mine. So, this friend used to get annoyed by her fringe when it got too long – anyone who’s had annoying hair in their face understands this. A good way to stop that from happening is to wear a headband.
But when you’re rushing around, e.g., tidying up, or getting ready to go out, well sticking your head through a pair of knickers is a great substitute when you don’t have time to hunt for your headband. They’re like pens: you can never find one when you need one.
So, here’s my friend with underpants on her head, and after a while, she forgets about them because they feel like a headband. She’s rushing around getting ready to go out, underpants on her head, and then she adds the vital ingredient to make a perfect storm: she suddenly remembers she forgot to buy wine to take around her friend’s house.
“I’ll just nip to the shop quickly”.
You can figure out what happened.
Some people seem to have asbestos hands and can carry boiling mugs of tea from the kitchen to the person. In our office, it became a bit of a competition over who can carry the most mugs at a time without burning their hands.
This is a silly idea. It’s not big and it’s not clever, but it is the perfect recipe for throwing tea and coffee all over the place and getting that big cheer when you do.
Accept your soft hands. It just means you work in an office.
There are some conversations that you need to think about before trying to contribute. Realise that you may not have the expertise or knowledge to contribute properly.
Otherwise, you can end up letting yourself down, but worse than that, you can let your family down too. AKA what happened in the following scenario:
I had a friend who was very good at athletics and played for English Schools, which is the route that future Olympians usually start with.
Her speciality was the high jump and she was very good and extremely serious about it.
When people are serious about an activity, they have lots of specialist ways of talking about it.
In high jumping, the question, “What do you jump?” is the golden question. It means, “How high do you jump” and it’s a question that very serious high jumpers ask other serious high jumpers to see how they stack up.
Anyway, my friend came to my house for Sunday lunch. We were sitting around the table having a nice meal and my parents are getting to know my friend by asking questions. Naturally, she brings up her high jumping.
Suddenly, my brother pipes up with, “Oh, I do high jumping!”. Cue: me looking at him with the most extreme wtf-face. Why has he said that? He doesn’t do high jumping, and he’s definitely not part of English Schools.
But before I can say anything, my friend’s asked the golden question, “What do you jump?”
My brother: “Just little sticks in the garden”.
I laughed so hard Ribena came out of my nose and stained my mum’s tablecloth.